If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
well you can't waste a boner
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize