Someone shit on the floor
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
