Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
