i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
