My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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