you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
