U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
