your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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