i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I understand Curling. That high.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
