ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
