And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
