Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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