You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
