found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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