That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize