normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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