and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
