Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
