Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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