I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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