I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize