Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize