Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
