how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
