Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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