i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
