Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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