Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
not ubering you a puppy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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