His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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