Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
