it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
