Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
