She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Im part way to drunk.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
