Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
