I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
