dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize