Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
