What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
