what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
