the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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