3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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