I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
