Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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