i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
