return my video game
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
