dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
