I think I just saw someone hide a body.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize