I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
