He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
