do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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