I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
