you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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