i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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