Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
