so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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