He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
