Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
