I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
