I can text with my tongue
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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