it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
