hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
