Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize