Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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