True but thats because hes a fetus.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
