Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Blood and glitter go together right?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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