Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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