Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize