It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
