His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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