I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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