im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
