You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
