I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize