Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
