feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize