cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
