i just google imaged poop.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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