before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
