plz talk dirty to me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
