Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
