i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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