Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
