I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
