Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
