This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
