Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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